This is a collection of stories teachers have emailed me that started with posts from the Teachers.net Primary Education chat board.  Someone on the chatboard came up with the idea to post the funniest classroom stories, and what follows are hilarious TRUE tales from classrooms all across America that I copied and pasted from the chatboard.  Because the teachers don’t use their real names on the boards (or often, any names at all), I haven’t been able to give credit to the contributors.  If you recognize any of the anecdotes below and would like to add your name to it, please email me.  (Many of these anecdotes could be incriminating, though, so anonymity is probably best!).  Old posts are not archived at Teachers.net, so this is the only place you’ll find the collection of stories below. I've divided them into classic kid moments and classic parent moments (encounters with students' parents) and added the awesome stories that you all email to me.  Enjoy!!

                                                                     Classic Kid Moments

During the Christmas/holiday classroom party, a boy comes up to me with a gift bag (obviously re-used) and says: “Here teacher...my mom got this present and she didn't want it and she called everyone in our family and they didn't want it either so she said to just bring it to school and give it to you!”  I love how they tell the truth! If their parents only knew how much they really tell us :)

Mine happened at the beginning of this year. At one point all the students were doing their assignments and on task. It was a lovely few minutes! LOL Anyway, this one girl all of a sudden yelled out "I'm tired of this! Raise your hand if you want to go home!" Well, of course most of the class raised their hands and that lovely time was over. She reminds me, in some ways, of Junie B Jones and I think that comment is something she might say. I try to laugh them off (in my head) but oh, how sometimes it's really a challenge.

As Christmas approached, a boy announced that Santa Claus isn’t real. One of my bright students tearfully said, "Ms. A., he's disrespecting my religious beliefs!"

Earlier this year I was approached by one of my kindergarteners in tears. I asked her what was wrong."____ just called me a baby!"  I called the other little girl over and said," Did you just call ____a baby?" "No, no, no!" shouted the little girl. "I said 'Hey baby!' You know like the mom said to the dad when she calls him and wants him to come over for the night."

Student A didn't do her homework and told me that she couldn't because her mom made her go buy a new cat that night and she wanted to play with the cat instead and her mom said it was okay... This story checked out. A phone call later, mom says yes, she was too tired from playing with her cat so she didn't see the need for her to do her homework. She'll do it another time.

This was definitely a classic moment that I heard through my cooperating teacher during my student teaching experience. I still laugh at the thought. While grading science tests for her third grade class, this teacher noticed a memorable response to one of the questions. It said:  ‘Please list the three states of matter...’. The reply was, "North Carolina, Virginia, and Kentucky." The three states THAT matter! HA!

I teach third grade. About a month ago we had a sick student who was out for a couple of weeks. I told my class that I would get some things for him, we would make some get well cards and send it all to the boy. I got some things from Wal-Mart and left them in my truck. I asked three of my boys to go to my truck (parked right outside our door) and get the items from the backseat. I gave one of the boys a list - model airplane, poster to color, crossword puzzle etc... When they came back into the room he was holding several sacks. I could see that one of the small sacks held a box of tampons. (I forgot they were back there.) My teaching partner was in my room and before I could do anything the boy took them out of the sack, held them up over his head and yells, "I guess this is the crossword puzzle." My co-teacher and I were both so red and trying not to laugh that I just said, "Uh-huh" and put the box back in the bag. His mom is an Assistant Principal on another campus. I emailed her to tell her the story and so that she would know if they were ever on the feminine product aisle and he asked for a crossword puzzle she would know what he meant. She thought it was too funny.

Many years ago, when I was teaching 5th grade, I was grading students’ Science homework papers. One of the questions was "Who developed the system of naming organisms?" or something like that. Anyway, the correct answer was supposed to be Carl Linnaeus. One of my students wrote 'Adam' for his answer. When I questioned him about it, he said he was referring to Adam in the Bible. He had learned in Sunday School that Adam had named all the animals in the Garden of Eden. Guess what? I counted his answer correct!

I just remembered another one. I was teaching at a Christian school at the time, and we did a week-long study of Martin Luther. We learned all about the Protestant Reformation and Luther's life. At the end of the unit, the book had a picture of Martin Luther. When one student saw it, his response was, "I always thought that guy was black."

My first week of my first year of teaching, I turned my head for a moment during an art project and I had two students cut their hair!! I'll never forget that!  [I also had this happen.  The child had about fifty braids on her head and one got snipped off.  The parent was so furious that she demanded her child be removed from my class!  The principal was so dumbfounded he just told her to think that over and if she still really wanted to take her out of my class the next day, he would do it.  She called the next day and apologized, hehe. –Ms. Powell].

One I will NEVER forget... I was teaching kinder in South Los Angeles- rough neighborhood- gangs, prostitutes, drugs, etc. So, I never knew what was going to come out of my students' mouths. We had a few tricycles on our little playground and only one red one. Well, one of my kids loved that red bike. We came out to recess and another little boy was on it. My student went up to this boy, put his hands on the handlebars, and said, "Get of the bike, b****!"

My first year of teaching I had a boy named Patrick who never hung up his coat. I was tired of it and I warned him that it was going in the trash can the next time I found it on the floor. Well, the next time happened...I threw it in the trash, with the good intention of taking it out within a few minutes. Within that few minutes a student felt sick and vomited in the trash can! Did I have some explaining to do to parents. I was very lucky because I knew the parent and had worked with him before I became a teacher. I called him to explain, and he laughed and said they had the same problem with him at home. Boy, was I lucky. I offered to get it dry cleaned, but they said "No. Send it home in a garbage bag!"

My students were sitting around talking about what their dad's do for a living. One of mine said "My dad fixes boobies!" I later asked the mom what dad did. She replied, "He is an anesthesiologist". I told her the comment, and she told us that relatives had recently asked dad what his favorite surgery was. He said boob jobs, because he sits at the patient's eye level and get to tell the dr. if they are even!!! Apparently junior overheard the conversation. I laugh about this every time I think about it!

I teach kindergarten and when I was urging a student to get down to work, he looked up and me and said, "You do know that I didn't sign up for this. My dad did it."

My first year of teaching I had a terribly naughty little boy (he tried to pull the fire alarm on the first day of school). About midway through the year he drew a picture at free time and brought it up to show me. He pointed to the pictures saying, "Look, this is me and on my shoulders I drew those two guys that tell you to do good things or bad things... I like to listen to the bad one!" It was so funny (and true) all I could do was hug him and laugh!

Another time we had been talking about healthy eating and our bodies and one boy raised his hand and said, "If you look at your arms you can see the VINES inside your body."

One moment happened several years ago when I taught grade one. Each primary class had received one of those colorful carpets with the seven continents on it. Well day 2 of having this carpet, Andre got very sick, and threw up. When his dad came to take him home, Andre proudly says, "Daddy, I threw up all over North America AND South America!"

This one came from my then 4-year old grandson...I had promised to take him to the local ice cream shop one summer evening. He had been playing with some neighborhood friends and if we were going to get to the shop before it closed we needed to leave. As I put him in the car, he protested because he wanted to play some more. Well, we were driving and I turned to him and asked, "What kind of ice cream are you going to get tonight?' He would not answer me. So I turned to my husband who was driving and said, " I guess I'm getting the silent treatment.” From the backseat we heard, "I don't think they have that kind."

I was teaching in a rural school district in a town of about 1200 people. It was 3rd grade. We were discussing Native American Indians. The kids were really into the discussion, when one little girl named Alysha raised her hand and said, "I know a whole lot about Native American Indians!" I said, "Oh you do? She said, "Yes, the reason I know so much about them is because my daddy is FULL BLOODED REDNECK!"

My favorite came from child in my pre-first grade class. He'd been gone for several days because his grandfather had passed away. When he returned I told him we'd missed him. He told me, "I had to go to Iowa because my grandpa died and I had to be at the back and be a polar bear." When I called the mom to share that with her she told me that indeed, all the grandsons ages six to adult had been the pallbearers. I've never been to a funeral since that I don't think of that and smile.

It was the beginning of a new school year and it was still quite hot outside. I finally got my first graders on target one afternoon and was really quite happy with how the math lesson was going. At the same time one of my students who had a speech problem was scratching away at about 50 mosquito bites on his legs (I am not kidding). Right in the middle of the lesson, Christopher YELLS..."Mithuth. ____, theeth mothquito biteth are a pain in the ath." Before I could think, I said, "Christopher, what did you say?" And, he repeated it again! I had a terrible time trying to keep from laughing! I sent him right to the nurse for some cream!

Just the other day in first... One of my shyest little boys wasn't doing his work so I walked over to him and just as I bent down, he tells the little girl across from him, "You are just so beautiful, I can't stop staring at you!" At least I knew why he wasn't working!

I have a student whose father is a biology professor at a local college and is mother in a high school resource teacher. For Valentine's Day he made a card for his dad with a beaker on it, saying "to a great biology teacher." On the other side, for his mom, it said, "to 'whatever kind of teacher you are.'" 

[Love this one!] Last year's class was probably the sweetest group of kids I've worked with. One day it was getting close to recess and I had a few kids off task. I reminded them that before we could go outside there were certain things that needed to be done and, just for emphasis, I held up my plan book and pointed to the day's agenda. One little boy's eyes widened in surprise and he blurted out, "Oh my God! You mean you write this stuff down?!"

If you have classic kid moments to share, please email them to me and I’ll add them to the site!

Classic Parent Moments

This did not happen to me but I heard about it from the teacher it happened to several years ago: A parent sent a box of cake mix and a can of frosting with a note to the teacher saying that it was for her daughter's birthday later that week and would she please make it?

This happened about ten years ago. I caught little "Johnny" with a cheat sheet during a practice spelling test. We have a practice test on Thursdays. If they score 100% on Thurs, then they don't have to take the test on Friday. I talked to the boy about doing his best without looking at the paper he brought from home and then I told him that he would have another chance the next day on the "real" test. I sent mom a note telling her the same thing. Mom sent a typewritten letter the next day saying that it was all her fault because she had praised him too much the week before when he got 100% on the spelling test. She said that she had given him the test at home and he got 100%, so could I just give him that grade this week? Oh, boy!!

A child who misses school often was out one day, but this time upon returning to school, had a doctor's note. Sounded official to me. The attendance clerk called me in for a laugh. In my rush to get all notes in the attendance folder, I didn't notice that my little 6-year-old boy had been to the OBGYN for a visit, according to the note.

A parent asked me one year if I could watch her kid after school because she couldn't get to school in time to pick him up and what did I do after all the kids were gone anyway?

After an hour long conference with a parent discussing in detail the child's severe behavior issues, failing grades in every subject, and total disrespect for all other children and adults the parent turns to me and says "But other than that, he's doing o.k. right?"

During a conference with a mom, whose 3rd grade son was doing nothing but flirting with the girl (ugh): She SAID, "Well, I got no worries, coz he's a pretty boy. He knows the girls will do all the work for him. I tell him every day, he's a pretty boy.  He got no worries, I got no worries." (he's not a pretty boy, and I've got lots of worries).

[From an upper grades teacher] Another mom came in to see how her behaviorally challenged girl was doing. This child has been a problem since kindergarten.  She was so excited when she said, "I think I know why R. is acting up! She's going to get her period!" Well, that is the longest case of PMS I have ever seen.

Each Tues. test folders go home for parents to look over, sign, and return on Wed. One parent sent it to me on Fri. with a note that she was unable to sign it b/c she couldn't find a pencil.

A parent thought her daughter shouldn't have the spelling words lick and like marked incorrect since they were spelled correctly except she wrote lick for like and like for lick.

I teach at a Christian school and during Halloween, we choose to celebrate harvest and stay away from Jack-O-Lanterns, etc. We do however color harvest pics with pumpkins (no faces) and use these as an object lesson about God's creation. One parent was so upset that we even allowed pumpkins that she pulled her son out of our school and put him in public school. Hmmmmm, wonder what they do on Halloween? LOL

A few years ago a mother called me to tell me that her child had strep throat and the doctor said she had to be out of school until she had taken the antibiotic and was fever free for at least 24 hours. So I thanked her for letting me know. Then she said, "She'll still get her perfect attendance award at the end of the year, won't she?" I said, "Well, no, not if she has to be absent." The mother got all huffy and said, "I can't believe you all count kids absent when they're sick!" then she hung up on me.

Recently I got this note from a mother of a child in my class. I kept it because it was a classic. It sounds like a missing persons report, or perhaps a description of someone who has just robbed a bank. "_____'s grandmother will be picking her up today. Her name is _____. She drives a blue '95 Buick and is wearing a purple jacket, red shirt, and blue jeans." I wondered what I should do if Grandma happened to change clothes during the day.

When I was on hall duty and I sent a child back to walk after he was running and crashed into three kids. The mother was nearby and said, "You don't have to go back and walk. We'll practice walking tomorrow." I said, "No, he has to go back and walk right now, so he gets the immediate message." She said, "But we're already late." I replied, "Well if he hadn't been running at lightning speed through the hallway, he wouldn't be going back to walk. It will only take him a few seconds each way." She replied, "What is your name so I can report you to the principal?" I told her my name and said she was free to go tell the principal that her son was running through the hallways and that I made him go back and walk. She turned to her kid and said, "I guess you better go back and walk. I guess you have to listen to all of the teachers around here, not just your own." Is it any surprise that the kids backtalk us the way that they do?

I had a parent tell me at conferences that 1st grade should be all about reading and that the kids shouldn't even have math!

On "Susie's" birthday I met her and mom at my door early in the morning. I said "Happy Birthday Susie!" Her mom looked at me funny, looked at Susie, and then looked very embarrassed while she said, "Oh! Happy Birthday!" She had completely forgotten. Poor girl.

Excuse note: “Susie will be checked out early today. We are getting her hair and nails done."

Excuse note:  "Johnny's homework is done, it's just at home, so you can give him credit." Uh, NO.

Excuse note from a parent to explain a tardy child on a very cold winter day: (neatly written in purple ink) "Please excuse _____ for being late today. The car done froze up and would not crank."

Several years ago a parent wrote me a note (both parents are doctors by the way) that said, "_____ is feeling a little tired this morning. Could she please go to the clinic to take a nap some time today?"

Just yesterday a parent said to me, "You only grade the papers that ____ doesn't do well on and you DON'T take a grade on the things he does a good job on!"

[This one's great] Our school policy is to put book covers on all hardback books. At the beginning of a school year I sent home a Social Studies book with a note that said "please cover this book and return it tomorrow". The next morning one Mom brought her son in. She handed the book to me and said, "I'm sorry, we were so busy last night, there is no way we could read this whole book".

One year we sent parent notes asking for help with supplies for a Johnny Appleseed celebration. (This was on a Wednesday. We needed them the following Tuesday.) A parent responded that she couldn't send any apple juice, because WEDNESDAY was her grocery day.

I have a student with quite a behavior problem. I tell the parent he stole something -- Her reply, "ooh, he's not allowed to steal." I tell the parent he brought his game boy to school, "oh, he's not allowed to bring it to school". I told the parent that he made fun of a developmentally delayed student. Her reply, "Oh, he's not allowed to do that." You get the picture.

A student in my class punched another student in the face and was suspended for 3 days. When he returned to school, his mother met with me and the principal and stated that instead of the suspension plan, she wanted her son to be on the paddling plan where he is paddled when he does something wrong instead of being suspended. When our principal explained that our district had a no corporal punishment policy, she said that she would sign a paper and have it notarized so we could do it.  I guess those 3 days at home were hell for her.

The first graders were given a list of 10 sight words that we were studying that week. On Friday, the students had to read the words to me.  One student did not know any of them. When I sent the paper home, I got an ugly note requesting me to call this mom. The Mom said she doesn't know how her child received a 0 on this paper because she "looked" at the sight words. She said, "We did what you asked. She looked (sight) at them. I was stunned!!!!!!!!! At least the child gets it honestly!!!!!!!!!!!!

My teammate had a great conference. The mom was questioning everything on the report card. Our kindergarten grades are N-not yet apparent, W- with assistance and I- Independently. Her child had gotten a W in writing. The mom said if the teacher would only give him more help with his writing, he could be independent. Got to love it!

This line is just too funny to resist.  I had a mother accuse me of being responsible for her daughter's loss of virginity. (BTW, I am female and teaching 2^nd grade at the time). To say I was peechless would be an understatement. And if you knew me, being speechless is out of character. I had warned this little girl repeatedly to sit down properly in her seat. But she insisted on sitting on the chair as if she were getting on a horse, swinging her leg over the back of the chair and then sitting. Yep, it happened. As she was swinging the leg, she lost her balance and ended up straddling the back of the chair rather hard. I immediately sent her to the nurse because she was in a lot of pain. I got a letter the next day saying I was responsible for the little girl losing her virginity (There was some bleeding) and how were they going to explain it to her future husband. This had to have been a couple of decades ago. I guess the husband, if there is one, got over it.

When I taught kindergarten I had a mom call me at my home before school had started and asked me where should she buy her son a gluestick.

Last year I had a student who was a behavior problem. The parents were supportive, though they really didn't see why any of the things he did were inappropriate. He was improving and I had told the parents that. However on our behavior grading scale he still had so many card changes that he got a U in classroom behavior. Mom came in very upset. I'd told her he was doing better but he still got a U and she couldn't understand why. I explained the grading scale used by all the first grade teachers. Her comment was, "Oh, you're grading him like all the other children?"

I once called a parent in to pick up her daughter because she had head lice (I saw moving bugs) . Mom came and got her alright. They went out to the parking lot then mom came back to let me know that those weren't lice they were something else!!!! EWWWWW

The one about the live, moving bugs reminded me of this one. Many years ago, the "senior" school nurse came into my classroom to check for head lice. After checking each student, (I bet the whole thing took under 2 minutes for the whole class) she called me out into the hall. She said, "Well, you've got one that has lice, live fleas, and is a bed wetter. I said, you got all of that in the 10 seconds you spent with him?" She said, "Yep, when you've been at this for so many years, it doesn't take long!!!

I got a note from a parent that said, "I'd like to know why my son lost his recess yesterday so I can inform my lawyer."

Early in my second year of teaching, I had a boy who was an angel in the classroom but who, for some reason, felt like dancing the majority of the times we walked down the hall. I put his name on the board and took away some recess when he did this, per our school discipline plan. I also would write a note on his daily behavior calendar. On the day the fourth note went home, I got a call from the boy’s grandmother about 15 minutes after school had ended. She wanted to know why ____’s name was on the board again because “he said he was not dancin’ in the hall like I said he was.” I described for her again what was happening in the hall, and she replied, “I KNEW it! I knew he was doin’ it! Every time I take that boy to the grocery store, I’ll turn around, and he be dancin! I tell him: ‘Boy, there ain’t nobody gonna be throwin’ nickels and dimes at you!’” It was all I could do to hold in my laughter until I got off the phone. Needless to say, I did not get any more phone calls from her denying that her grandson was in trouble.

My first year of teaching was during the time when the movie “The Titanic” was still very popular. During journal time, I had a second-grade boy bring his journal to me to show me his artwork. “Look,” he said, “I’m Leonardo DiCaprio!” (instead of DaVinci, the artist …)

[My personal favorite…] I have a child (I teach first) that is way below grade level-- I wrote a note to mom asking her to come in so we could discuss strategies and testing-- her reply back was to just go ahead and sign him up for the slow classes after all, her and his dad were in them when they were in school!!!!

If you have classic parent moments to share, please email them to me and I’ll add them to the site!

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